My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
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