I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
