Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize