I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
