someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
