i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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