Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i've created a new STD.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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