a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
