You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize