I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
