When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize