I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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