that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Im part way to drunk.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
