I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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