I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
