I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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