Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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