I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
