OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
