In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
