Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
