thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize