and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
