First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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