if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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