someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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