All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
