Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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