winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
