LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We're too hungover to prance.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
