I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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