If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
