Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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