I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
