wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
