You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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