Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
