no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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