I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
