dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Blow job season was short but glorious.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
