I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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