yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
