I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
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We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
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Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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