how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Two words: blizzard sex
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
