Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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