my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
