Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
