Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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