idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
