Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize