So gin and wine won't be happening again
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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