I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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