I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
