How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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