I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize