the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
