She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
