What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
