We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
