either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
