I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
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I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
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After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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