I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize