i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
