soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
