I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
