You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
