I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
